We helped you on Mother’s Day, with our fool-proof ways of making your mom happy and now Father’s Day is on the horizon and we are here for you once again to do the impossible. As tough, aggressive, and hard-headed as your dad is, he still deserves some recognition. This Father’s day, don’t go for the usual Payless slippers, greeting card from your local supermarket, or that packet of spicy plantain chips. This time, take the time out and really show him how much you appreciate him. Pay close attention.

1Become the first in your class.

I don’t know how every single one of our fathers were the “first in their class” but you must be one of them.

2Cut your hair.

Your hair symbolizes every thing that’s wrong in his life. Your bad grades, the chores you’re not doing, the job you don’t have, all because of your hair. It’s even worse if you have dreads. Just cut it bro.

3Change your wardrobe.

It doesn’t matter if you’re going to the store or a wedding. Get you a pair of Clarks, button up, and some tight fitted Chinos. Also, stop sagging your pants.

4Marry Rich.

That’s right ladies, your husband has to be able to afford your father’s lifestyle of daily Iyan, Party Jollof, designer stew, and Malt diet.

5Be more like the pastor’s kids he’s always comparing you to.

Your father doesn’t know that Pastor’s kids are drunk from Thursday – Tuesday butttt you need to be more like them. They are Pastor’s kids, they must be heavenly. As a matter of fact, tell your dad to be a pastor, so you could be a pastor’s kid.

6Grow a second head.

Your mates that are getting all A’s don’t have 2 heads. So stay one step ahead, or in this case one head ahead of the curve to make sure your parents know you aren’t stupid.

7Cook for him.

Same thing for mother’s day? You’re damn right. Everyone loves food. Your father does even more. Cook him some eba, give him a case of Guinness, so he can put his legs up, and scratch his ever-growing belly.

8Give him floss / toothpick before he asks.

Shortly after his meal, he’s going to call you to come all the way downstairs so you can pass him a toothpick that is 10 feet away from him. Save yourself the trouble and show some initiative and give him the toothpick at the same time as his food. After he’s done, he’s going to leave it on the table, floor, and bathroom, but still.

9Leave the TV on CNN for him.

Before he starts his debate with your uncles about African economics, politics, and corruption, give him a little booster by showing him beforehand some news about America, to help put his argument in context.

10Tell him you no longer want to be a musician, but now a chemical engineer.

Your dad knows nothing about what a chemical engineer does but what he DOES know, is that they make bank. His children need to make bank. You need to be a chemical engineer. It all adds up. Your Soundcloud links can wait.

Let us know if any of these work! @onetribemag 🙂

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